When I pick someone that is some one true. When i feel something its always genuine. When i work on something its always original. And while I live my life, every moment, I live true to them. Just true to them, if not to you or others. I try to be always true to my feelings.
Since so many years I have always wondered what is beauty? Is it related to any green lush trees and crystal clear water falls that I see. Is it a blue sky in the day in the Himalayas, or the sunny morning/evening in the mountains or even in Koteshwor while i used to be on my way to Satdobato? Actually, I recently realized that it is all of them.
Now lets get to Satdobato– The Chowk ( the square). I remember a Nepali song that said that squares (chowk) are the places where people meet and separate ( the song — bhetauney dobato chutauney dobato). It is true. Nowadays the square is lost so is the expectation to either meet or separate. Its now a cherished feeling. While I continue to tread on my foot or on my erstwhile tempos, the images and reverie of the unknown motor or the rider continue to haunt me in my day dreams. But still they are day dreams. Some dreams become day dreams- reverie. There is no reasoning there. They come, they make us feel that that there are certain things to admire. They make us feel that we should have High Hopes, they make us feel that we should be Hard as Rock. And when you wake all you realize that you have to forget and move on, with the dream still in your unconscious.
Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There’s a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
Though down this road we’ve been so many times
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river
Forever and ever
High Hopes have higher stake and higher fruits. One should be ok when they ask ” hello, hello…. can you hear me?” Just answer to it. Say that you are ” comfortably numb”. There is no point in explaining why, where, how, when or any other form interrogative questions. One does not gets any satisfaction from such an interrogations. They ask you, know you, your feelings, your pitfalls, know the other side of you, know the wounds you have, and smile away. Just don’t let them have the glorious chance to be the fittest in the race to survive and to get away smiling at you. Be comfortably Numb and remain to yourself.
Why am i talking about all this when i am supposed to be writing something about beauty? A credible question. And here is the answer. Getting back to topic.
Greek philosophers said that beauty is subliminal. Sublime- something that has awesome feelings- a feeling that threatens your existence. Since them, many predecessors have tried to change the concept of sublime. I stay true to the Greeks. I am stuck with sublime and i remain effortful to get out of it. I try to remain true to my feelings and they fuck me in and out endlessly & hopelessly.
So, coming now, i realize why people pay so much money in paintings, in artwork, royal palaces, music, and all. Beauty is subliminal and thus it is always threatening. It can take away your soul- forget other things. It is the only feeling that can make you go insane. And thus beauty is priceless. Because it is true. Because it is real. And it is the only real time manifestation of your unconscious dreams. It is walking dream. Because it is the dream-come-true-reality in your mind. It is the only feeling that remains beautiful in your heart — forever and ever!
And I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, IDon’t mind. Why should I be frightened of dying?There’s no reason for it, you’ve gotta go sometime.
I just said I am frightened of dying with you still in me!