Our life is full of people, their thoughts, their feelings and their actions. Some inspire us and some repel us. While not undermining the negative value that the latter ones add to our lives, I would like to express my feelings for those good souls that have inspired and instilled in me the confidence to be what I am today.
Getting back to childhood I don’t have much to elaborate. I have a very dim memory. Most of it is picturesque rather than descriptive. I learned most of brave and gallant things from my comic and history books. Both of them have been always my first choice to read. And the characters always inspired me- be it historical or comical. They had in them whatever i lacked. And most of all, they were mute. They rarely spoke their words. I loved their silence triggered action. It inspired me to remain quite. I would try that, but to no avail. Seemed I lacked serious readers like they had in me, who would try to put some efforts or put themselves in their shoes, to understand what they went or were going through.
And than again I would assuage myself for not attaining that greatness, thinking that my day is to come. I kept growing and was in my teens.
I was totally removed from my source of inspirations. I was no more in the comic land or the graveyard of brave gallants from the history. I was in the real world of Phoenix- where my mom would burn down to ashes every evening only to take birth again from those ashes in the morning. She is a living legend. An epitome of optimism and unrelenting human who would even challenge God himself to work out a living. We had something in common besides her blood that flows in me. We talked very much but always felt that we missed the mark. We worked very much but always felt that we missed out something. We improvised on whatever, we had, to near-perfection. And we would continue doing that unless we had something else more challenging.
She has always been loud in her arguments but silent in her feelings. Maybe she was looking for those receptive ears who would know her unexpressed feelings. But she never waited for them, though she longed for them and this was evident from her gaze that tried to look through the rocky mountains of my village. I know she never looked at the beautiful trees, grass laden pastures, and the ever flowing river. She was not praising their beauty, but seemed to be waiting for tidings from them of the ‘ears’ that she was longing for. They did bring the tidings. But they also brought ticket for me also. In my follow up visits, I was glad to realize that at last she was at peace. she had given up longing. Her patience have paid her off.
I was once again at cross roads, on my own. And this time around I was back among the crowd of strangers who would not spend a thought on devouring me.
I was lucky. My new inspiration was more of an embodiment of those comical and historical characters of my childhood. I was now an adult and I liked the ways of this person. He was even mute and cold from outer than those of my childhood inspirational characters. He was unique in his expression, in his work and in his feelings. He was original and thus was beautiful. Being with him was a dream come true in the sense that he gave a whole total new meaning and set of objectives to my life. I am proud to say that, I still tread on the track that he had set for me. His physical absence has created a hollow in me but his inspirations continue to occupy and reverberate in it.
In this crowd of strangers i have confronted, befriended and loved so many people. There are also some people who dragged me down, who got away, and turned their back on me. I believe one person is enough to guide you home. One person is enough to share honest perception. One person is enough to stop one from going nuts. Time and again, I have came across some of the finest souls. I feel glad to say that I am still lucky to be with such a person again. Though we don’t share the blood in our veins, we do share everything else. This is the person who have been saving me from dungeons time and again. This is the person who has distinguished between good and bad, ugly and beautiful, for me. I know my feelings wont be so intense for this person in the days to come, but still this is the person who guides me home every evening. This is the person who always fires me to cloud nine. And this is the person who always reminds me of what I am.