Loves and Relationships

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One of my readers recently asked me what is love? After some days the same reader again asked me about the existence of confrontations in conjugal relationship and its impact on the children. I could not reply the first question fully. I just conceded to a piece of prose and poem that the reader had submitted. But now with this recent talk about having a troubled household with quarreling parents and chaos all around, it seems that I should share some of my personal experiences on love, crush, sexuality, relationship, quarrels and break ups.  
Love or Loves?
Actually it is only love. Every relationship- social or personal or professional- has love in it. The difference that differentiates one love from another love is the level of intimacy or personal exchanges. We humans are by nature social—though the level of intimacy or sociableness differs from person to person. In living our lives we do come in touch with people and develop a kind of connection with like-minded people. These people can be from the opposite or the same gender. It does not matter, as long as we share some perception towards life and phenomenon around. When two people from opposite sex share this kind of bonds, surfacing of sexual desire in this relationship is but natural. It is essential to note that it is primarily social need—to be understood and to understand social and personal conditions – that brings two persons together.

Sex & Love 
Sexuality is inherent but is not the major influence in developing or maintaining or breaking relationship. Sexuality is a major part of one’s personality. It is a defining characteristic and is the most intimate part of a personality which people rarely share with some one that is ‘not so close’. Having a sexual relationship in friendship generally means both partners share deeper level of intimate feelings or desires with others. Even though some people relegate sex to the lower level in social relationship, it nonetheless is the most intimate feeling that people share with only those who are very close to their heart. So love is basically a feeling in which we like to share our perceptions, understanding, our confusions, our dilemmas, our moment of happiness, our moment of sorrows, our desires and our secrets – that someone else would consider filthy or trash or sinful – with a person.
Need for Intimacy
That’s natural. Some where in a blog I had read that two people invest a lot of energy and time in building new relationship. They take out time, even if they don’t have, they make out money, even if they don’t have, they afford taxi, ice creams and movies even by borrowing from friends just to make the person happy. All these happy-making activities are aimed at knowing the person at close quarters – the level of close quarters depends from person to person and relationship to relationship.
The Song of Love (1948) by Rene Magritte

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me… everyday.” 

Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Crushes Crush
Crushes are also similar. They are the very embryo of a relationship. Having a crush means having desires to get close to some one. Shares personal feelings, perception, desires, achievement and some times even failure with some one. It does not mean ‘crushing’ in its literal sense. Actually sexual desire is the most rare element for having a crush on some one. Though an integral and interesting part of one’s persona, it is not the primary element in building a relationship—except in case of a complete arranged marriage between two strangers. A relationship can kick start or trail out, depending on intensities of both sides to have feelings on the same frequencies and in the same wave length. If the frequencies differ, the relationship trails out. It remains a crush that crushes personality for some time. A failed attempt to engage in a meaningful relationship.
Break Ups.
But once people understand each other, it is obvious that they stop caring for each other with the same intensity. The reason is obvious—nothing left to explore. There are no surprises. People recluse into monotony from surprises and adventure of knowing and being known by a stranger. People deviate their attention to other things or people that keep their attention engaged in an attempt to walk away from monotony. Human heart is the most freckle thing known after eyelids. It can’t stay constant. It fluctuates and is dynamic—this is the reason we have break ups and this is the same reason we fall in love – again and again. O blai me!
I have seen many couples quarreling with each other, for no ‘great’ or ‘rational’ reasons.  It is sometimes stressful for others- who is part of that relationship- to witness and be an indirect part of such feuds. From what I perceive about this feuds, I feel that they are the product of a monotonous relationship that has staled out. A relationship that stands on the rubbles of broken dreams and aspirations- that both of the relationship holders had seen jointly. And above all it is a state where both of them, or either of them, have stopped understanding the feelings and needs of the other. A simple instance:- one cannot clap with a single hand. To clap we need two hands at least. Extending this instance we can conclude that it is with joint efforts of two partners in understanding the other’s needs and feelings and making efforts to materialize them, can two beings remain in a meaningful and loving relationship. Even failures, or the rubble of broken dreams can be overlooked if both agree to walk on and get a better life than they have failed to have.
Better Choice: 

Ultimately each of the other gets fucked up in a relationship. But that is not the end. It is just the beginning to make the relationship more meaningful. It is the constant mending and fixing of the old relationship that is worthwhile to be called a struggle rather than giving up the mess you equally contributed to and replacing it with a new one.

Leave your thoughts below — Anonymous comments are welcomed too. 😉 
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2 thoughts on “Loves and Relationships

  1. One word to describe this ‘Incredible’. Throughout this post, it had logic, it had meaning. Great work and a great way to spend time by reading such good post!

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