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Unrequited Love: Well it hurts. It’s agonizing in fact to see being not reciprocated for all the earnest feelings you had for the one. Its just like ‘chittai bujhdain’ stuff – you want to make it straight and simplify it like you did the algebra equation. But all of a sudden the equation that you had studied so much at school and believed in, does not seems to be proving right in actual life. That too at a time, when you find being devastated. Feeling being left into rubbles of a whole personality. A personality that you had taken so many fucking years to build up. Yet, that particular fried relationship makes you feel being a roasted chicken yourself. What to do? Its reality and however hard you try to negate it, however hard you keep your fingers crossed, something and some people and some feelings never change- neither you nor the one for whom you are crazy about.
Recently I stumbled upon a piece of writing on this stuff: unrequited love. It was real striking and though it was not complete in itself, it nonetheless answered some questions that are very much acute with people, who are ended up in this type of relationships. Before talking about the unrequited love, lets talk something about being in love relationship. People try to classify relationship between platonic and material relationship. Both have their own importance, but sticking to platonic sometimes seems to be a like communist utopia- a world in which all people are equal, no classes and no discrimination. Theoretically it sounds real cool, and it is cool in fact. But in actuality, considering the fact that most of us are material beings with only some of our should dipped in spirituality, its human intimacy that keeps our flame to live alive. If you into love for spirituality, you might not feel the lack, because you have something to rest your worries and dejections upon. But if you are a vagabond, and even if you are all strong like the Atlas, all you want to is to rest your head on those loving shoulders and arms.
Being in love, is itself not an act of philanthropy. In fact it is one of the most selfish act. Even in love with god, saints ask for redemption and commoners like me or you, ask for anything that we desire. In such a context, the article that i mentioned earlier pinned down three actions that help in easing the pain of an unrequited love. Though I don’t have perfect examples to explain, still here are those three golden gateways to heal your soul of the pain, agony, and to reassemble your crumbled personality.
|Sappho, an ancient girl who jumped off a cliff
due to unrequited love with a ferryman. 19th
Century painting by Pierre-Narcisse Guérin
Consume: Yes consume the love. How on the earth, can we consume the love, which we even did not get. Having physical relationship has a different type of pleasure. You might have not felt it, but one of the major reason for which unrequited love is painful, is the lack of having physical relationship with the loved one. Sex is a natural way to express emotions – words cannot express all our emotions. Words- they have a strange lack in this realm. A kiss is far better medium to express the depth of your love, instead of a book. Like other animals, who play with their partner in different ways, like liking their manes, like hitting them with their horns and just stroking their heads against each other, we human-animals love to do that. Since its not a part of an unrequited love, the pain is more acute. The pain of not being able to convey those feelings to the one whom you always think of being with. The one whom you always want in your arms and the warmth of the one whom you always want to feel. Consume the love, if its plausible and contextual. You might win over and if not it might be some respite to your animalistic feelings and ease off some of the acute feelings.
Starvation: This word gives us such a famine-hit nations, where people have bare rib bones. Well, just like food provides nutrition to our body, love provides our soul with energy to remain healthy. There are host of feelings, desires and plans that are inside you. All of them remained draft. You created them with such a high-spirited imagination. And all of a sudden when you feel that all your hard efforts were in vain- it sucks. This ‘sucked-up’ feeling deprives you of any enthusiasm. You don’t get into mood to remain social, cultured or to say ‘yourself’. You deny to be anything – you starve out for any positive energy. You soul starves for all these and in its starving it undernourishes your potential and abilities. Its a strange phenomenon, but we find it very much hard to smile. But some people find this method of self-pain is cool enough. You learn to see in the dark, you learn to talk with the walls and you learn to see happiness around you. It brings yourself near to yourself. Pain, has a such way to push you into realization and maturity- nothing matches this one in this regard.
Transformation: In one of my earlier post I have talked about transforming feelings. Yes, this is the quicker road to gain personality wholeness. You just transfer those feelings to someone like him/her or you invest all the time and feelings and thinking for something or some places or on some one else. Wherever you re-invest those feelings, they help in brining positivity in your life. They help in gaining the personality that has been shattered. Being able to be in another relationship, will help in diverting your thoughts. Though the extent to which substitutes work is not clear to me, but I think, its a good choice to make, when you afford it. Walking away and getting in touch with people who have positiveness in their attitude and lifestyle are key ingredients for transforming your past into the present.
There are no explanations that are final. Leap of Faith correlates here. In relationships- personal or professional, willingness to work or being together is always a two sides stuff. If you are not looking after my duck, don’t expect me to look after your cat. Its just like that in natural sciences. If you fade everyone will forget you in couple of days, but if you continue to shine, than hope will keep us alive. But just do know that keeping your fingers crossed and hoping to have the heart, does not changes the reality. Try to be yourself, one day you will have to, better start it now. Let your soul with hope for better days and life ahead.